Where to find instructions for modern parenting?

A 43-year old acquaintance of mine has admitted that she dares not bear a child. Having seen too many spoilt personalities, she is afraid of failing to breed a decent character. How can we doubt our very basic gift of species preservation?




People used to think less and to settle problems in a bolder and simpler way. Nowadays we tend to contemplate so much that we are eaten up by logic. We are following detailed instruction sheets in most aspects of life. An array of permits is needed to indulge into any professional activity. However, the trust in these quality control mechanisms enables our species to cooperate to this large extent.

The more developed we are, the more we reflect. Consequently we become undecided and we show an increasing timidity in taking action. When looking into these issues closely, we can realise how much courage and self-confidence it actually needs to undertake to teach, to judge or to write a book.

We have already receided from our inherent nature. Each process related to allocation, manufacturing and moral codes has been revised along rational considerations. How could parents be left alone with their instincts concerning child rearing?

Modern parents are expected to take their stand on logic and to make the child form good principles, not from fear, nor from desire for distinction or reward, but consciously. Apart from some contradictory books and family guidance, potential parents are in a shortage of precise instructions. The personal responsability of this free hand received on such an important area can deter the too conscientious ones.

How come that parenting is subject mainly to healthy organs? How come that all kinds of vocational training are available while no professional courses are organised for child-bearing?



Source: At home by Chekhov



  1. Yes, there are no training courses. So everybody improvises. Based on personal experience: how did my parents raise me? That is the main factor, either by reproducing or doing the opposite. Or a combination. Truth of the matter is: Education is based on two things:
    1) Yes! Bravo! Well done. You can do it. (And parents should really be a guidance for the child to find his/her own way) How many Doctors want their children to medical school?
    2) No. That is the most powerful tool, and therefore should be used little, but be used. Babies, children look for limits all the time. A test in a way, but also, you cannot go beyond boundaries, beyond yourself, if there are no boundaries. We have a grandson, now 144 months. He knows NO very well. Do NOT touch the hot oven. 🙂 Do not not eat the pebbles in the garden… etc… If you want to climb the staircase, do it on all fours.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Parenting is no exact science. In the past with larger families most parents did not have time to worry about ‘parenting’. They provided love and care the best they could, with huge doses of getting siblings to take care of each other.

    Sometimes a dose of neglect is better than overly concern and anxious worries.

    Don’t read books about upbringing or take parenting classes. Stay calm!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Well written!

    In response to your last question: it’s probably because people have largely figured out our vocations and the best way to undertake them – what non-inate knowledge is required for doing a proper job in any given area, while no-one has yet successfully figured out exactly what, how or when you should teach your child so that they grow into decent human beings. you can do all the’right things and still end up with a trainwreck stuck on drugs or you can abuse them violently and get a saint who benefits humanity as a whole.

    it’s a very tough gig being a parent and there is no 100% guarantee – you just got to do the best job you know how to do. Gut instinct is often the best resource! if your gut is telling you you are not ready to be a parent then it is probably right – we have way too many people for this planet already.


    Liked by 2 people

  4. “Nowadays we tend to contemplate so much” and “The more developed we are, the more we reflect” — maybe so, but some people obviously never got the message (I’m thinking of the likes of a certain U.S. President). But I won’t argue with your premise as it pertains to parenting — though I do think that when it comes to dealing with life in general, there is a shortage — not a surplus — of contemplation and reflection.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I like your view on parenting and how we tend to overthink the more developed we are. When I was in my late teens/early 20s, I thought I would certainly have a child in my mid-20s… and then the more the years went by the more I overthink and start to believe that it is IMPOSSIBLE to do such a thing. It seems overwhelming and so stressful to try to successfully raise another human being into a decent person. I guess the fact that people are over-thinking it is probably a good sign though- at least showing that you care and you want to put time and energy into your children.

    Liked by 1 person

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